tinder

My friend AB was absorbed in her phone (more so than usual) and I wondered what she was doing. I asked. She told me. And lo, I was introduced to Tinder.I was bored, okay?

She explained to me what tinder was. Basically smash or pass for our technological generation - apparently we can't meet prospective partners without help from our smartphones nowadays. You have a profile - up to six pictures and five hundred characters with which to make yourself presentable and desirable. Then you're shown a procession of (hopefully) eligible men and have to decide whether or not you like them. Press the green heart if you do, or the red 'X' if not. You can see their profiles, read their bios and then make your decision. If you like them, and they like you back "it's a match" and tinder tells you so. If you like them and they don't like you back - or vice versa -  you will never know. Lovely.

There have been articles about couples who met on tinder and who are now planning their weddings - but make no mistake, a large portion of the men you'll meet on this app want nothing more than casual sex. And they're not shy in telling you so.
The very first man I spoke to on this app (I can't remember his name) kicked off the conversation by telling me what a 'great pair' I have. I thank him demurely, hoping to kill this particular topic and move onto something else. His next question "so, do you like a good screw then?" What do you reply to that?! The answer? Nothing. I blocked him and thought no more of it. These men are bad enough, although the ones I find worse are the nice ones who fool you into thinking they give a shit about you by asking interesting questions and turning on the charm, before asking whether you want to ride them. It's like going for a nice swim and then having your leg bitten off by Jaws.

To its credit, however, Tinder is good for your self-esteem. Or at least it was good for my self-esteem. I have been known to punch above my weight tinder-wise. I'll see someone absolutely gorgeous pop up on screen and give him a cheeky like. Then the screen will turn black and those three little words "It's a match!" will show up. This hot guy looked at a photo of me and thought 'yeah, she's alright' before liking me. And he'd actually seen actual pictures of me! It definitely gives you a confidence boost.

I rarely use Tinder now. It's boring. Some of the guys are pretty but they're all looking to dip their nibs, and I've no interest in being that particular inkwell.